How Do You Know...

How do you know when you're ready to expand your happy family of two? Or family of five if you count the dogs and cat?

As the wedding drew near, this became a popular topic of conversation in our house, particularly because Matt has baby-fever, and has for quite awhile. In terms of his mental and emotional preparation to be a father, he's apparently been ready for a long time. Whereas I've finally realized that I'm in a relationship in which when I do get pregnant, it will be a cause for joy and celebration, rather than a potential disaster, which is a strange feeling, and a relief.

But there's so much to consider. My new-mom friends spent my bachelorette weekend (intentionally or unintentionally) giving me guidelines/warnings/etc about starting a family. Be sure you have a stable foundation in your relationship, like really stable. Everything changes, EVERYthing, and there's no way to prepare for that. Be sure you've done everything you've wanted to do without a kid first- go on all the trips you want to take, travel, have fun. I get it. And I also know that I don't get it... because how can you really understand what it means when someone says that everything changes and in ways you can't ever anticipate and there's no way to prepare for that?

But for Matt and me, I think we have an awesome relationship. The difference with us, vs other relationships I've been in, is that we have a very open and easy communication. I can tell him things that upset me, sometimes without sounding too upset, and he is so calm and so cool and reassuring and tries to be understanding. He's just wonderful. Neither of us like conflict or fighting... a friend asked me (meaning to be a little defensive of me, I think, and sess out if I was in a good relationship or not) how we fight... I think she wanted to hear that I stand up for myself, blah blah. And I didn't know what to say because we don't "fight." We barely have arguments. Sometimes we'll say something that upsets the other, but it's pretty clear to us when that is and we work quickly to resolve it. We are peace-makers yet I don't feel that I'm compromising myself.

And I really can't think of anything I'd like to do before having kids? Run a marathon? I only want to do that because Matt's trained for it a few times and kept injuring himself, and if it's a goal of his then I could help him accomplish it. Go camping? Sure, easy enough. Go on trips? Sure, if we had any money. We can't even afford to go on a trip. Plus there are only a handfull of places that right now we currently want to go- Europe, particularly Ireland (though I could wait on that), Boston MA, and Vegas. Both Matt and I have traveled so much in our jobs, there really aren't a ton of places we're set on seeing. Plus obviously travel with kids is harder and more expensive, but that would be fun eventually too.

There is also finances to consider. This causes me anxiety but I realize that if we were to wait until we're where I'd like to be financially before starting a family, that would be at least a few years from now. And yeh everyone says I have plenty of time... hey I'm turning 30 this fall. I do want to be a mom while I'm still sorta young, and within a reasonable age range of my kids' playdates' moms.

It's hard to say "let's put it off" when you're with someone who is so sweet, and so loving, and will be such an amazing dad, and really wants it, would be overjoyed if it was true today. But am I ready to be a mom?

It seems like I should feel baby-crazy... but then I wasn't exactly wedding-crazy before meeting Matt either... okay maybe a little, I might've looked at everyone's wedding pics on Facebook and wondered when I would get to meet my Mr. Right. But I've never been the kind of girl who gets crazy about babies. They're kinda drooly and unpredictable and I just don't feel a strong pull toward them the way some women I know do. The closest I've ever come toward that feeling was holding my dear friend Jenn's son Chase when he was a baby. At our friend Mandy's wedding, I held him and I could've frozen time in that moment and been happy forever. I just had this feeling of complete contentment and love for him. Maybe it's because I was at the hospital when he was born, heard his first cry with my ear pressed to the room's door, or maybe it's because I love Jenn like a sister, and she was my first friend to have a baby. I know I'll feel that, and stronger, with my own kids. I just don't often feel it with other people's kids.

Then I think, well I want time to enjoy just Matt, just Matt's attention and just being newlyweds. But that would be just more time. I mean, it's the same wonderful togetherness as it has been the past year. And that will just continue. Waiting is just more time together. Which will be great.

And the worst reason yet, sometimes I just feel a little bored. And lonely. Not that this is a good reason to have a child. But as my friend Jesse joked, "sometimes we're just sitting around, kinda bored, can't figure out what to do that evening, and think hey maybe we should have a kid." Or as my mom pointed out "well, then there is no shortage of things that need to be done."

But it does seem, as we ride around with the pups in the car, that having a kid, or two, in there would just make it that much merrier. So much more to share. So much more love.