In Honor of Pam

In the two event (Christmas visit and our wedding) that I spent with Matt's stepmom Pam, I mainly was struck by her optimism. Though she'd been struggling with liver bile duct cancer since 2008, and it had returned in late 2010 to eventually take her, Pam never sounded bitter or upset about her fate. She told me at Christmas that you just have to appreciate every day. Even at our wedding, she told us that she was beyond typical treatment but she'd just wanted to be able to be strong enough to attend our wedding, and another a week later. She knew she didn't have much time but she seemed so resolved to it, strong.

She was a talkative, friendly and open woman. Matt loved to play card games with Pam and his dad and told me that it was fun to visit them because they always had some fun activity. Pam was also very crafty and gave Matt several beautiful quilts she'd made. She read "The Art of a Good Marriage" during our wedding ceremony, which she volunteered to do, and Matt and I were honored that she could be part of our wedding in that way.


During our wedding weekend, Pam tried to be strong and enjoy as much time as possible with us. We could see a dramatic difference in her energy from Wednesday to Sunday when they left. From there, she slowly slipped away, holding on and fighting to the end.

Pam passed away on Sunday, July 24, 2011. Matt and I spent last week in Blackfoot, Idaho with his father, helping him clean out a little but mainly just trying to be present (since her services were already planned). She was only 59, and he is 57. It seems so young for someone to pass, and I just hope that she got to do many of the things she thought she'd do in this life. (her obituary)